Pregnant

I'm actually writing this post on 11/17/2010 and dating it to post on 1/7/11. How weird to be writing something for that far in the future. I'm also terrified that I won't date it correctly and it will get posted before we are ready to announce our big news.

I'm pregnant...PREGNANT! I can't even type those 8 letters without a smile being brought to my face and joy swelling in my heart. Maybe it's because I know this will be my last pregnancy or maybe I am always this sentimental during pregnancy OR maybe because there is such an awesome God-story behind it. I'm going with the latter.

In July 2009, I was driving home from Gainesville. It was just me and the two boys. I was still yearning for another baby, not an uncommon thought. I just didn't have that "done" feeling. I can remember right after having Ry beginning to feel that yearning feeling. (Why do I hear "You've lost that loving feeling" when I type that?) My biggest concern was that Hottie did NOT have that yearning feeling.

Anyways, I was driving home and began thinking about their birth dates. I like number patterns and both of them have "cool" birth date patterns. 10-04-04 and 4-07-07. Continuing the pattern: 10,4,4,4,7,7...Do you know what finishes the pattern?... 7,10,10. Get it? 7/10/2010.

Cool huh?

Not as cool as the fact that I had an overwhelming sense of peace wash over me as I thought about a 3rd child being born 7/10/10. Even better? Remember I said I was driving home in July of 2009? Well the date was July 10, 2009. Exactly one year, to the day, before my pattern date. It was a God thing or so I thought.

I kept this all to myself until (in all my infinite wisdom of "helping God", with "His" plan) October 2010. Then I tried to put HIS plan into action. (Getting pregnant in October would make a July birthday). Interesting how I can refer to it as His plan but assume I must implement it for Him. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I didn't get pregnant. It was a God thing or so I thought.

Fast forward to May of 2010. I periodically would think about the drive in July 2009; thankful that I wasn't over taken with sadness. I had a terrible year at work and that was really where my head and heart was. So as the school year was wrapping up, I began to think I must of gotten the message wrong. Maybe we were suppose to FIND OUT I was pregnant on 7-10-10 or maybe we were suppose to foster/adopt a child in July. Well, we started (and never finished) the 16 week Fostering classes and stating the obvious, I didn't get pregnant. It was a God thing or so I thought.

Although, like I said Hottie wasn't "feeling it" (without getting into VERY specific details) there was no "acts of secrecy" during my call to actions! It was a God thing or so I thought.

In September 2010 I began to really talk about getting pregnant. Although I still yearned for just.one.more I would never go against Todd. He has the ultimate decision maker. I knew that having another baby when he didn't want one was not what I really wanted. So I asked him to really think about it. I gave him a couple of days. We talked about his concerns and I prayed my little heart out.

My number 1 request? If Todd believed that we were not suppose to have anymore that I would have no feeling of resentment or regret towards Todd. This was not going to be a division in our marriage! It was a God thing or so I thought.

On September 26 after much thinking Todd said no. He said he just didn't think it was in our future. I cried. And cried. And cried. But thankfully, NEVER had resentment towards Todd but instead I crying for the loss of what I would never had.

The yearning didn't go away.

Jayden asked if I was going to have more babies. Every commercial I saw was about a baby. Todd was amazing. He held me. Said he was sorry he couldn't give me what I wanted. Watched carefully over me. It was a God thing or so I thought.

On the third day I was sitting on the toilet lid, bathroom door closed, balling my eyes out (I'm talking the "ugly cry") in the bathroom. I wasn't trying to hide it from Todd; there just wasn't anything more he could do for me.

Or so I thought.

He came in and held me. After several minutes he said ok. Ok? Again without getting into very specific details, he agreed to have another baby. " We are married because we love each other and this wasn't going to get in our way". It was a God thing or so I thought.

And so on November 17th, 2010 there was two lines.

And you know what? It WAS a God thing!